Repost

The following was originally posted to my MySpace blog on August 3, 2009. I thought it fit the theme here.

Something Missing

I've come to the conclusion that the je ne sais quoi that I have been chasing for most of my adult life can be summed up with one word: wonder. By wonder, I mean awe or amazement, as in the phrase "childlike wonder." It occurred to me today that most, if not all, of my hobbies and much of my philosophical pursuits revolve around my need to experience wonder. I would imagine that this need is not unique to me, so how do others satisfy it? Am I so much more jaded than everyone else?

As I sat thinking about my life and the frustrating struggle to enjoy it, it occurred to me that oftentimes in searching for wonder, I wind up settling for novelty. If you stop to think, it's fairly obvious that the two aren't synonymous, but it is easy enough to confuse them in the midst of a given moment.

The problem is that novelty is fleeting. Once a novel experience is over, the associated euphoria is gone, never to return. True wonder, on the other hand, seems to linger indefinitely. I have a handful of memories, mostly from childhood, that still excite me when some random stimulus brings one of them to mind. I definitely need more of those, and I need them doled out to me at semi-predictable, acceptably frequent intervals over the remainder of my life. Is that too much to ask? Thought so.